I will say “Hello” to her. I will tell her my name. The name of the real idea of me. I will not lie.
I want her to one day know who her daughter is and how she came to be. She has a right to know. She is my Mother.
The person that she knows according to her isn’t really me. Some of it is, but not all. A long time ago I created an image of myself on the right side of my brain.
I loved my identity. I loved what I saw. I told my image that I wanted to be just like her. I looked up to her so much that becoming one with her would allow me to be me but the way I always imagined and dreamed.
Call it an improved version of myself. My Momma doesn’t know this version of myself. But I would like for her to know that me. One day! Right now she is not ready and it is safer to just play my role as the daughter she knows.
Some call this the alter ego. After all I am an all around artist, a Renaissance chick. Others may call it crazy, schizophrenia, touched or “Special”!
Many people may not be familiar with it. But those that create, imagine or dream on a class 5 mutant level, already know where I’m coming from.
I love my Mother. She is a beautiful woman, a Holiness woman. It will be a beautiful day when I introduce myself to her. It will compare much like, but not quite like, being born again.
She may not hold me as she did when I was a baby, but the hug will be genuine.
I already know that some people reading this might for a second think that this other version of me is bad or negative in some way, but I’m not at all.
Have you ever imagined being who you are in another way? Not like someone else, more like someone else and that someone else just so happens to be you. It may be complicated to understand for some, but for those who have an open mind about it, it’s very feasible.
The stories that I will share with my Mom will be grand. It will be like an adventure that she’s reading from a book and after hearing it all she will be in awe and I think she will like that version of me.
I would never get rid of the one she knows though. To shun that version all together would be selfish. That version of me is the strongest connection that she has with that me.
But one day, one day, one day, she will know. Signs around me will let me know. They always do. I will stay forever watchful.
-LeXXah Drew It-